Passing on Grammy

I spoke at Grammy's funeral as an effort to honor her, capture her essence, and spread it wherever I can. This is part of what I said, just a few of my favorite attributes...

Laugh, loud and often.

Pray.

Feed the birds... and the squirrels, duck, deer and turkey too.

Take pictures, lots and lots of pictures.

For Breakfast, write tiny love notes, and roll them inside of Swedish Pancakes.

Read the bible, underline your favorite parts and know them by heart.

Take notes, lots and lots of notes.

Belly dance, and be willing to demonstrate on a moments notice.

If it’s legal and moral – try it.

Watch old family videos and roar in laughter.

Leave the front door always open, so as to let the light in.

Keep a journal.

Cry more when you’re happy, and less when you’re sad.

Love the unloveable.

Be bold and brave, strong and courageous, fight the good fight and finish strong.

On saying goodbye

Dear Mimi,
Since starting this blog, the Lord has taught me oodles about loving you. But today isn't about being a mom, it's about being a child.

It's about growing up. I'm thirty-four, and I've planned a few shin-digs. I've pulled off wedding and baby showers, birthdays and dinner parties. But never have I helped plan a funeral, until two weeks ago. That's what grown ups are for.

Two weeks ago, your beloved Grammy passed away. And as she approached Heaven's gate, the Lord worked my heart over like a meat tenderizer. I've never had to say goodbye to someone who is so closely entwined with my life, who was an everyday source of encouragement, help, and joy. Just over two months ago, I blogged about the Lord's strength in my life as we floated this river. Little did I know, a few weeks later, I would need His strength more than ever.

I found out a lot about myself. Mostly, that when someone I love is dying, my natural response is to busy-bee-it out of there. Make dinner, sweep the floor, call relatives. Check. Check. Check. As I bobbled around, I caught the glimpse of your dad, not lifting a finger, out of the corner of my eye.

Let me clarify. In the days before this phenomenal woman died, I literally focused on house chores. I actually asked if I could do more laundry. As I passed by the living room doorway, I saw what your daddy was doing, nearly every time. He wasn't cleaning. He was sitting inches away from his mother. He was smiling, encouraging, and praising. I got all verklempt with only a peek. He was doing exactly what I thought I could not muster, he was saying goodbye.

Mimi, whether you're helping someone face a tough trial, or even death, you will find its much easier to cook casserole than to pour your heart out on them. But I promise you this; if you let the dishes wait, and ask the Lord for the strength of the latter, you will never regret it.

I'm forever indebted to your daddy for showing me how to say goodbye. Forever indebted. I would have royally screwed it up otherwise. And I'm forever thankful for a Lord who braced my shaky knees along the way.

Armpits

Three years ago I had my face planted in one of my best friend's armpits.

My sweet friend had lost her husband unexpectedly and tragically. Mimi, it was the most shocking trial I had ever witnessed. She was so in love with him. The aftermath broke your mama's heart. Tara had a toddler and was pregant when he died. I mourned the loss of her husband as much as I mourned the loss of her boys' daddy.

In hindsight, this journey reminds me of a story in the bible about a battle Moses and his people fought. Moses stood up on a hill watching. Every time he raised his arms and staff up to heaven his people prevailed over the enemy. But everytime his arms got tired and dropped down, the enemy advanced. In response, two of his friends held his arms up, so that the battle was won.

Unlike Moses, Tara had a mirad of people holding her arms up. In the early aftermath, one of the women who did some holding was Miss Kristin, as you know her. The example set for me in that time, by all that she did for Tara will be with me always, challenging me to step-it-up when someone I love is in need. A friend in adversity is like no other.

Mimi, when you face trial, don't shy away from help. Keep your eyes on God, He is the ultimate source of perspective and strength. Let people hold you, and seek to hold others. Tara did something amazing by allowing me to stick my face in her armpit of a situation. She allowed me the vantage point to see the victory that would come later. If she never shared her struggle, I would not be so overjoyed now.

Last weekend, Tara got engaged. Surely her fiancé does not replace Preston, but how can my heart not sing at the sight of God's provision for this young family? He is a direct answer to my own sappy prayers that Tara be swept off her feet by a mature man of God. And the spectacular ring is a bonus!

There will be more battles in Tara's life with the true victory coming only when her race is finished. That said, it has been a privilege and honor to be her friend. If she had not been willing to share the pain, I would not be so over-the-top thrilled in the healing of her heart.


Proverbs 17:17
A friend is always loyal.

Why I believe

Dear Mimi,

Every day, there are glimpses of God in my life. Sometimes it's things that cannot be explained by coincidence alone, sometimes it's merely the marvel of the world that bolsters my faith. But for today, in this moment, I am convinced of His presence merely because I'm not a mess.

Today, one of my very best friends is fighting cancer, and according to the tests, the outlook is grim. That said, your mama believes that at any instant God could wipe it away as easily as I wipe your tears. Or, He could take her home. It's the latter that should make me crumble. See by nature, I am an unstable emotional wreck, during Hallmark commercials. Typically, I'm inclined to clinical depression at the mere scent of trial and tragedy.

This friend, she's your daddy's mama. Hear me when I say, big tears have been cried. But in the midst of that, there is a freakish comfort, a strength and peace that is unexplainable. How can it be, how is this possible, that in this dark valley, I, your blubbering mother, is held together?

Some people try to prove God through science, through hard evidence. Having a degree in genetics, I can appreciate research and physical proof. But it doesn't mean anything until it is branded on your heart. He'll prove it to you in ways you will struggle to explain, when your mind is willing.

There you have it, my proof in this moment is that I've been given the emotional strength to bear this journey, and thus the freedom to enjoy every day we have with your beloved Grammy.

Psalm 116:1
I love the LORD, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live.